Last week I received a letter from Nico van Tellingen from Rhenen. Mr Van Tellingen is a donor to the UAF, we do not know each other personally. In his letter he thanks me for sharing my story. 'A strong plea not to push your traumas away, but to share and process a pain through all the effort', he writes, among other things. He closes with the words: 'I hope you and your family are doing well! And may you continue to mean a lot to UAF. I myself once started giving gifts to UAF when I realized how easy it was for me as a student compared to those who, as refugees, have to find their way at Dutch universities with a huge backlog.'
Tears rolled down my cheeks after reading the letter.
The document in which Job and I collect responses to our book 'Until the day' now counts seventeen pages. It's time for a message back. To Nico, and therefore to everyone who responded to our book.
Dear Nico van Tellingen,
Thank you very much for your nice letter. It makes me shy.
I have been telling my story since my appointment at the UAF in 2013. Because I realize, as you write, that my story is relevant in the light of our work. I fled myself, I studied myself with the help of the UAF and I eventually obtained a permanent place in the labor market. When I told my story it was mostly snippets. Partly because of time constraints (interviews usually don't last more than an hour), partly because I wasn't ready to tell more.
I hesitated for a long time about publishing my story in book form, you could have read that. And those doubts remained, even after the publication of the book. In the week of the book presentation I had enormous cramps in my side. The doctor didn't know what it was. Chance? Now that we are a month further - a month in which we have received many nice, respectful and beautiful reactions - the last doubts are slowly disappearing. I feared being seen as a victim, but the opposite is true. The words you use—respect, appreciation, honest, strong—confirm that I did the right thing.
My book is not an ego document. I shared my story because I have a mission. I am pleased to see that it is happening. That I may receive a letter from you written with such respect and gentleness tells me that it is good. Of course I gave something of myself away, of course I feel naked. Just last week, during an introduction round, someone said, even before I had spoken: 'We already know Mardjan, we have read her book.'
Swallow.
But it is worth it. The positive reactions encourage me to continue with my mission: to fight for freedom and a dignified existence. I do this, among other things, through the UAF and therefore partly thanks to you. Thank you for believing in our work.
We never met, Mr Van Tellingen. And yet I feel like we're getting closer. That two worlds, although my world has become quite Dutch by now, touch each other.
That's a gift, isn't it?
I wish you all the best and thanks again,
Mardjan Seighali
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